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Post by Kono Slaker on Oct 16, 2006 16:08:07 GMT -5
PS I just thought of a change in the lpot I made that will appeal to eveyrone's taste, I think.
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Post by Kono Slaker on Oct 16, 2006 16:08:51 GMT -5
For hundreds of years these eveolved creatures have lived in solitude in a constant war state. Always fighting each other capture each other killing each other. Soon these evolved creature begin finding gold and gems which They use as a sign of their wealth. Who ever has the most wealth controls the empire. Soon the creatures begin killing each other for gold. At last; about 200 years before the fall of the riders; One empire emerges victorious. One single powerful empire that controls all the known land on their side of the beors. They go about their lives with sacrifice and enjoyment while they tease and embarass the remaining prisoners. Soon they grow restless with their empire. They need to fight to show that they arestill the most powerful empire in all the world. 20 years before the fall of the riders They decide to fly over the Great Fence (the beors) and just when they are ready to begin their plight of new lands... A terrifying disease hits. Killing most of their population. About one hundred years ago their bodies begin adapting to the disease with the help of a herd in a valley nears their Empire (or what's left of it) but at a terrible cost. They cannot spread life. Their population will never grow only decline. The herd made a chemical reaction in their blood that when they die life begins again for them but only if the body was pure. Meaning if it died of sickness or in battle it's life would not be regained as a child. They no longer had the will to travers the Great Fence for fear of it's mystical powers sending more evils. They live on as peacefully as a population of no more than 250, until the 'chosen one' breaks through the divide. (we need a name for the elf) (Yes if you've studied ancient American history this will sound a lot like The Mayans the Incas and the Aztecs. Truth is that's where I got the idea.)
Ten years ago an Elf lost and Abandoned somehow found his way around the Beors trying to find Du weldenvarden. He found the Kreeshones and learned of their ways as a prisoner. He began teaching them the ancient language, of new tehnologies, of ways of life, of morals. 3 months later he left again for Du Weldenvarden. there he started rumors but his credibility had already been questioned before and none believed his story or wanted to risk an expedition beyond tohe beors based on his stories.
Meanwhile in the capital of the Kreeshonian empire new leaders, idealists, and overall ideas were forming. Exploration, expantion, trade, generousity, research, and many others. They were begining to become a civilized people. but not all took to the change, they believed in the old ways, their planning and plotting had led them to victory and wealth. It was now time for the saviors to arrivefor the first time (Eragon, Roran and some spare soldiers after killing the Ra'zac). Even with the new leaders and Ideas not all had taken to the changes and believed in the old ways. They had gotten and survived thus far by plotting and planning and it had led them to victory and wealth. The Emperor refuses to let his people leave with the advice of his advisors. The Saviors leave thinking they have failed.
Though not 3 months later an ambitous leader of the new ideas (Iio's character is he agrees) takes matters into his own hands. He kills the emperor thereby ending his purity, he takes over the empire ruling with the new ideas forcing those who remained loyal to live by the new ideas.
Soon the Saviors came for a second time (Us). This time the emperor kind in his ways allowed everyone their choice of decision. Many of the Kreeshones followed the wingless beings and their mounts over the mountains. Some had gone for riches, others for land, and still others for freedom and a new life. Those who remained at the capital thought of them as deserters and made a law of their banishment not allowing them to return. They also regained control of their primitive empire.
When they see the vast land on this side They look upon it with greed thinking of the beings that were so anxious for their help. They look upon it with hope of the promises the beings had made. They looked upon it with fear thinking of the beings warnings of an evil being that ruled the land. The Kreeshones made their way to Surda and were given their own town to develop near Aberon. They then found out that their allies were in poverty (Surda) and they agree that (for many different reasons) their best move is to send a caravan of 15 KReeshones back to the capital for the riches. They soon return with no money and only 9 with a tale of outrage and mutiny. They put the matter on hold while promising to go back for the gold soon. This move encourages people of many races to join the cause. Soon The rebel group, the Surdans, The Varden, Du Weldenvarden, the beors, and the Shurtugals all have many new and recent recruits amongst their ranks and begin planning the downfall of Galbatorix.
*****************FUTURE PLANS*****************
The council of riders, the ambassador and the rebel leader all discuss heatedly what should be done with their newly regained forces.
The Kreeshone's in the meantime have set up their town, have been expanding and building at doulbe the speed of others due to their wings and the help from the six sects. They Also have been learning magic from the elves in Surda and are now a b=magical race, inheriting the magic from their past lives. The six sects come to an agreement and make the city the bass of the council of riders and the new dragon rider capital.
Now it is time to enforce their plan. Their first goal is to return over the beors and return with the gold and jewels, little do they know that when they return to the city of _______ they will find nothing but empty buildings. They take the gold and jewels and leave not taking time to look for the others. When they return they move to their next goal: expanding Surda. The Six Sects have agreed to combine their territory to surround the empire. The beors and Du WEldenvarden make an treaty with Surda stating their lands will be put under Sudran name but their governments and life styles will remain un touched. The Six sects surround the Empire by capture and conquering from Cuenon to Auroghs along the spine. Which includes the towns of Cuenon, Carvahall, Therinsford, Narda, Teirm, Kuasta, Belatona, Feinster, and Auroghs.
They capture the lands while doing minumil harm to the citizens that did not resist. Their next step was to enclose on the empire and capture cities inward saving Uru'baen for a full on surrounding assault. Surdans and the Rebel Group from the South. The Beors from the East. The Elves from the north. The Varden, who have moved their base to Sharktooth from the west. With Riders scattered among the ranks of all.
It is time for the final assualt.
Okay I know it's detailed and it doesn't look like anything can be changed but if you recall this is almost a completely new second draft. It can.
Also the battle plan were just something so I wouldn't leave with a cliff hanger. byu this time it is somewhere between 1-3 years further down the line from where we are in the timeline now.
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Post by Iio on Oct 16, 2006 16:09:13 GMT -5
what's changed?
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Post by Kono Slaker on Oct 16, 2006 16:20:15 GMT -5
I hit the wrong button I was modifying it, reread it now.
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Post by Iio on Oct 16, 2006 16:32:37 GMT -5
its alright, but I think that instead of like 50 years before the fall of the Riders, people started to like, civilize the Kreeshone, I think like, well, more years then 50, so they can have developed, because like the people voted, they are stronger then the elves, so they would have had to develope more very quickly, and more then just 150 years. (assuming that the riders fell 100 years ago, i think it was, or sowmthing) like they should have had like 600 years to develope and stuff, or something, I don't know.
its good, and it leaves the space for the Kreeshone being whatever, greed, frredom, whatever reason for coming across, but I think that we should not have bropught them over, because if the Kreeshone (if this is how it will have started, cause Im not even sure...) that started the rebel group was just coming over, then the rebel group would have to have time to develope as well, and by the time it did, Galbatorix would be dead, but I do think it could be like, about 20 years ago, some elves brought over like 15 Kreeshone, and the kreeshone lived with the elves, teaching them battle moves and stuff, informing the elves of their past, or like 15 kreeshone came across on their own and lived in the beors until the one started the reb group.
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Post by Kono Slaker on Oct 16, 2006 17:26:49 GMT -5
actually If you read into it, The Elf appeared only a month after Eragon and Murtagh arrived. they mature quickly but yeah I'll make it longer.
but it isn't like it was in the america's there aren't like guns or major technology advances just different and better ways to make weapons so it wouldn't have taken long for them advance.
and if they come over by themselves that defeats the purpose of us talking about going over near the beors and getting chased over by galb. WE should show them the way over.
I will resume my modifications.
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Post by Iio on Oct 16, 2006 18:26:45 GMT -5
yah, but maybe someone should show a few the way first, so one can begin making the reb group, then we can go and lead the rest over, only to come back and find a new rebel group, or, assuming I can still be the Kreeshone Reb leader, I could come along too and help convince them, but it takes a while for people to go from un-civilized to civilized, but I guess they weren't completely un-civilized, but could they read, write, or anything before the elf? and the should have come over multiple years before roran and eragon so they could know magic and know it really good and stuff -
alright, well here is actually what I am trying to say is (according to the polls) they are stronger then the elves in the air, and equal on land, and I am assuming equal with magic. So, if like, one year ago they just got civilized, then that makes them - well, kind of un civilized. But I do really really like the war state part, cause I am learning about ancient greece and china, and that is how their civs. started, but maybe they were like that 500 years ago, then an elf came and taught them to be civilized, then they have been learning and training in isolation since then, so that is how they gainined so much power//skill?
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Post by lizzard on Oct 16, 2006 19:49:55 GMT -5
all that just went WAY over my head.
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Post by Iio on Oct 16, 2006 19:56:01 GMT -5
are you blonde?
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Post by ithildae42 on Oct 16, 2006 22:03:35 GMT -5
Hey! What's that supposed to mean?
J/K... Lol.
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Post by Kono Slaker on Oct 17, 2006 6:35:37 GMT -5
well like I said they learn VERY quickly. I mean they regai all knowledge after they die and are reborn so they never have to relearn everything. They are alittle under equal in amount of magic words but because the ancientlanguage is pure they can bring someone back form the dead without ending their life making thenm less experienced but more powerful.
PS: the elf came 10 years ago so that some of the elves didn't take to the ideas.
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Post by Iio on Oct 17, 2006 13:26:21 GMT -5
oh, so they never have to learn things again.
alright, I can deal with that.
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Post by demented2 on Oct 17, 2006 13:58:00 GMT -5
oh, that is so cool. So... Where did the name Kreeshone come from?
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Post by Kono Slaker on Oct 17, 2006 16:18:40 GMT -5
I actually toko it from a book i'm writing;it's the name given to the elite assaian warriors fighting for Orglox (you gotta read the story it's better than it sounds)
so If we are even going to consider mine we need a name for the 'chosen one' (the elf that brings morals) and the capital. maybe since I kinda took part of the history from the Aztecs/incas/Mayans we could name it Tenochtitlon (SP))
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Post by Iio on Oct 17, 2006 16:22:44 GMT -5
idk, it's alright
why dont you make another poll, just to see what people think?
cause just cause I like it doesn't mena everyone else does, lol.
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